dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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