if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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