Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
