You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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