I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
