i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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