meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
