yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
