dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
