don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
