Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize