this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
