bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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