He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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