I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
