New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
