I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
