is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
