so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
