i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
