how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
