we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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