So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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