i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize