Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
