It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
