This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
