i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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