I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
