Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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