i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
