she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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