I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
