She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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