Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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