The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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