Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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