Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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