So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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