'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My liver just had a heart attack.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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