My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
