You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's never too late to be topless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize