The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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