We're like a lot better than the average bears
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
