it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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