my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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