Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
