2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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