i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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