dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
