What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
