I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
