Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
