Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
