and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
