doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
