i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
