I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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