What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
