Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
