Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize